When I was a kid, I used to see my father complaining about life, and I didn't understand why. Why could a grown man like him always be complaining, shouting, and even insulting life? I was like, "This old man is drunk again." But I grew up and started to understand why he was like that.
It's not complicated to understand that when you grow up and get married, you start seeing things with different eyes and perspectives. I'm not talking about having a girlfriend, no. I'm talking about getting married and starting to live together. That's where men begin to realize how complicated and strange things can become.
Today, I even understand better why men die early and why women sometimes outlive them. A man is expected to be a provider, no matter how independent the woman is or whether she has her own job. The man will always be seen as the provider. My father's shouting and that permanently closed face weren't just a stage of his life. They were a reflection of how difficult a man's life can become when responsibilities, expectations, and stress start piling up.
Don't get me wrong: marriage is a good thing because we have the privilege of building a family, raising kids, and contributing to society, at least from what other people can see. But overall, the moment a man and a woman get engaged and married, the relationship changes, and what existed between them before also changes. Love is still there, but now it has responsibilities sitting right next to it.
The man has more responsibilities and more headaches: he has more bills to pay, more mortgage payments, more financial planning, more pressure to find a better job to cover the family's necessities, and even trips and holidays. And this is just a small percentage of what he needs to carry in his mind to become a good father and excellent husband. In the beginning, it feels like a husband's and father's duty, but as time passes, it can become a full-time dilemma that even Friday nights with friends and a cold beer can't completely take away.
His mind is constantly working, constantly dealing with stress, and even when he has the means to provide and cover all his family's expenses, another marital problem can come up. It's a constant battle. Having money doesn't automatically remove stress, and sometimes it introduces new challenges. There are temptations everywhere, and even when a man wants to dedicate himself completely to his family, he can still make mistakes. The pressure, the expectations, and the choices he has to make can become overwhelming. And let's be honest: there are all kinds of women...lots of them, and not every man has the financial freedom to deal with every temptation.
Do you think my father was always angry because he couldn't pay his bills? No. He was always that closed-face, angry man, wondering whether he had made the right decision... getting married! He was also a man who could see beautiful women outside but couldn't even think about pursuing anything because he was always broke. And let's be honest, a broke married man can't afford a side chick without risking turning his entire life into a financial and emotional disaster.
Today, I understand that better, and I hope my son can also understand it before I go and make a permanent visit to God. The new generation is full of players and people who don't understand how difficult it can be to build a family and deal with all the problems that come with it. But those who are already tied up understand the pressure. They know that constant stress can affect a man's health, and that life doesn't come with unlimited time. And that opens up another question: if fewer men are around and more women are left behind, how will society deal with the growing gap, and who will keep building the next generation?